How to Keep Kids Safe Online
Stephanie Randolph, MA
Forensic Interviewer
The internet can be a wonderful place. During this time of social isolation, it is helping some businesses continue to function, it is connecting friends and family that cannot physically be together, and it is creating a sense of camaraderie throughout the world as we all learn to adjust to a new normal. Between school, messaging with friends, and escaping general boredom from being stuck at home, it is likely that most kids and teens will be spending even more time online. As a caregiver, we are sure you are aware that the internet can be a tricky place for kids and teens to navigate.
The unfortunate reality is that there are people that want to take advantage of young people online, and teenagers are especially vulnerable. Those who want to harm kids online will try to exploit a teenager’s natural curiosity about sex or their bodies, their feelings of awkwardness, their desire to become independent, and their desire to form romantic relationships.
If given the opportunity, these people may cross boundaries and manipulate teens into sexting, sending nude pictures, sextortion, and even attempting to meet in person for sex. The good news is that by following a few guidelines you can help keep your kids and teens safe from sexual online harm.
Set expectations and let your child/teen know those expectations. Many of the guidelines discussed below are examples of expectations you can set for your children/teens. Please click on this link (https://www.missingkids.org/NetSmartz) to find a great resource that gives more examples of rules/expectations you can set and examples of how to talk about rules/expectations in a productive way.
As much as possible, keep computers in a central location where your teens screen time can be monitored.
Set a schedule when your child/teen is allowed to be online. Have them turn off phones, computers, and tablets at a set time each night.
Know which social media, websites, and games your child/teen plays and know the passcode to their phone. Check out what they are doing, who they are talking to, and who is on their friends list. This is not about spying on, distrusting, or taking away your child’s freedom. Most parents try and get to know the kids and families their children/teens are spending time with in person, and this is no different. If you set boundaries and rules from the outset, your child will know that it is expected.
Be aware of how your child/teen is interacting with others online, whether you know the other people or not.
Talk to your child about the difference between public and private information and what information should be shared. As a general rule, young children should not be sharing their name, number, where they go to school and church, or send pictures to anyone on the internet. Older children, using social media sites, should still be careful with how much personal information they are sharing.
Though you want to set boundaries about what private information can be shared, kids, especially adolescents, are most at risk with sharing emotional information rather than personal information. Tell your children to come to you if anyone online tries to separate/isolate them from the people who love them or asks them to keep secrets from their family.
A big warning sign that an adult is looking to harm a child is they will talk to kids about sex and their bodies online. So talk to your kids first. These conversations should start when children are very young and continue throughout adolescence. There are many helpful resources on age appropriate ways to have these conversations. This resource from Planned Parenthood does an excellent job of what to talk about depending on the age of your child: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/bodies. Let your younger children know that no one online should be talking them about their bodies/sex and that if it does happen, to tell you - even if it is someone your family likes. Tell your teen that no adults online should ever be talking them to about sex and their bodies. Tell them they can come to you for help if a peer is pressuring them into having sexual conversations they are not comfortable with. Have honest conversations about the dangers of sending nude pictures to anyone online or through text. Again, Netsmartz.org has tips on how to have these conversations.
The most important guideline is to have open communication with your child/teen. Let them know you are a safe person to talk to. Reassure them they can come to you about anything with no judgment from you. It is important for children and teens to know that if they come to you with a concern, they will not be in trouble or have their devices taken away. Fear of getting in trouble and losing their online connection to friends is a common reason why kids do not tell their caregivers when someone breaks their online rules. The internet does not have to be a scary place for our kids. We, as adults, just need to be there to help them navigate it safely.